Saturday, 30 May 2009

A reception, dancing and wine shandy

Hannah got a plus one to her friends wedding reception in Brighton... I was a little stressed out this morning but looking forward to getting away from London for a little bit, going somewhere close to the sea (which also meant that it kept getting a bit too cold for that dress but ho hum)
So we set off at around 5ish and people were looking at us like we had just escaped from the circus (which I didn't mind at all - circus folk are cool)
Finding a cafe ... found a cafe ... my phone battery is running out. Pub - today I am good though a couple of £1.50 white wine shandies later and I'm dancing around as though I was drunk, which is the perfect combination.
Downstairs, sitting and talking outside with Hazel, then Hannah, a walk in the park, back again, dancing, introductions, a weird photo paparazzi moment, kisses...
Dancing is good * ;)
Time for the train ... but they don't open the F-ing gates 'till the train is about to leave for some strange reason, which means we were locked out with a group of swaying-loud-club-chuck-outs ... but it's ok - me and David went to sit in a kebab place and cradled some coffee till it was time to go.
On the train again, it's officially tomorrow and we are all falling into a coma type sleep like tired kids after a birthday party with a bouncey castle.
We watch the sun rise.
London: tired - zombies - busses - bed :)

Friday, 29 May 2009


Now I know I have 'till September to find a place and move there : awsome.
Sarcasm is the best form... of everything.
Looking forward to it really - can't wait to decorate my little place just as I want - yum :)
I sent off my CV to the mystical fairy shop - everyone cross all of your fingers and toes! how lovely would it be to work somewhere that wearing a fairy dress is compulsory?! : awsome (I meant that one.)
Drinking some tea at the mo and watching, what else but, QI. I'm thinking how quickly everything has changed. It's funny as I never thought I would feel this way about a guy ever again... but then again I didn't think a lot of things that have happened would. Truth is I'm happy right now (still crossing all those fingers and toes?) peoples reaction to this new piece of information has been very varied (and at times annoying) but I still stand for the right to do what ever the F...
Finished cleaning a little.
Not sure if I'm hungover or not ... but I feel fuzzy, think it's because yesterday I went with Hazel to drink wine under the sun in Soho square. We got drunk, ate chips, stole bread, shouted at some guy in Mac D's (don't ask me why I was there - wine, as you know makes me do silly things) got to the tube in time to drop Hazel off on the platform to meet Hannah and then I ran for the bus to take me to Davids. I woke up in the middle of the night and contemplated another cigarette... couldn't fathom how to make fire so I fell back to sleep again. Was supposed to go out tonight but Simona got some last minute work. Then she called to say it has been cancelled but by that point ER crossed with The Bill was going on outside our front door and I didn't feel like leaving the house: there were millions of police and they shut off the street ... the police man told Lisa and Federica that there was a stabbing. Did I ever tell you how much I love Hackney? (see I told you sarcasm makes everything better) .... but as I said I'm going to be getting out of these hell holes soon ;)
I have an itchy eye.
This tea is yum.
I want to be a fairy.

Thursday, 14 May 2009

meeting, books, sewing and QI

As usual I wanted to get up earlier than what I did - in fact I can't have really wanted to, otherwise I would have, but you get my point.
Juice. Hair. Dress. Run for bus.
I was early! OMG ... it's the juice, it must be the juice.
I met David and we walked to a little hidden museum which was filled with stonework and paintings. The guards were really strict ... we couldn't take off our coats half way through and carry them - we had to go back down and put it on the hanger. We also had to leave our bas and get a ticket... and the funniest thing I have ever seen is the thistles they put on the seats to stop people from sitting down - we laughed, but didn't touch anything - Don't touch ANYTHING. There was a random foot, and then a random leg that we just couldn't work out ... but everything else was pretty.
Then we walked to Soho to Cafe Italia and had what we thought was a quick coffee and chat but it was getting late and David had to run to work.
Had a lovely time :)
On my way back to the bus stop (in killer-evil-death-heels) I stopped off at Foyles to pick up a book - I just got the urge, and my worst shop-type-can't-say-no-to-ever-thing are books and frilly socks.
Every step through the fiction my cramped up feet are whispering to my head 'ouch,ouch...ouch,ouch' and then I find 'The Flood' by J.M.G. Le Clezio and 'The Wind-up Bird Chronicle' by Murakami (loves him) I couldn't choose so I got them both and now I have guilt because I don't have any money and prob can't pay my rent or eat - Yeah, I'm so clever. I did sell a dress though... uf that doesn't cover everything.
It's looking up though because the lady from Covent Garden wants me to go back again ... and as it is Summer I might make some money... we'll see I think I'll be there in 2 weeks time. I'm going to make better things this time. Sometimes I feel like everything I make I can do better ... everytime! but maybe if I didn't have that thought I wouldn't carry on.
Mind boggle.
And so me and my throbbing feet arrived home and Marina was in we both sat for a while on laptops and listening with headphones... of course there were comedy moments of talking to each other and not hearing ... why would I tell you otherwise?
Marina left and I started to finish that dress that has - I was determined to finish it tonight, so I switched off theTV, put on some tunes (Norah and then Murmurs)
I finished! woop woop... put it in my online shop.... and then the TV came back - QI ... Fab :) Stephen Fry is the best. David told me earlier that he met him in London, I was sooooo jealous.
I missed a Stephanie call ... and now I think she's sleeping :( missssssssssssssssss
And now? I feel inspired (just a little bit) so I will go and write a chapter me thinks...

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Ballet day for RINAS! :)

Don't know what to wear ... not been to dance class in years, I remember when I was there : was the happiest time of my life. So ... what the F do I wear?
A bed full of clothes ... mostly stretchy.
Stephanie calls .... excited!
then Alex calls, not talked to him in ages, was supposed to call him back the other day but I was getting ready for the train to go to Brighton, and then when I got home I got lost from telephone calls. He is coming down to visit with his girlfriend - can't wait to see him and meet her :)
and... to wear?
Ok I figured it out ... and it's pink and grey. Yes.
Ballet day! we check out the shop and there's a little lady that sounds like a retired teacher of the strict variety. It's too late to buy shoes, or anything else for that matter.
We get shown the studio, wish it was in my house.
Then the teacher arrives and we start our class, i'm so happy, love dancing, even though I remember I used to be good at it (before I discovered wine, 'spiders', cigs, and girlfriends) wish I could go back in time.
This is my second real sign.
The class is over so fast, it doesn't feel as though we have been here for an hour.
We wobbly walk to the coffee shop that's closing, then to sainsburys for green stuff, then some shops and coffee shop ... coffee .... YUM.
Bright Eyes ... Stephan Gately?? What?? anywho...
gossip... :)
Then it's home time, eek it's dark, but I'll be brave.
Mum calles me on the bus, asks me if I'm eating ... which is such a Mum thing to do :) hehe ... my Mum is the lovliest in the WORLD.
Home ... it's empty (apart from Poppy of course)
TV? why not. Juice? definately.

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

What do I look like???

I woke up without a hangover - yey me! but because of this I could see myself more clearly in the bathroom mirror... I look like I put on my make-up with oven gloves on. This is what happens when you get tipsy and don't take off your face before you go to sleep... uf. It's 8:15 and I'm leaving with Hannah, who has to be at work today. We are listening to the radio - I've not been awake at this time in the morning, listening to the radio and drinking coffee since I was around 14 :)
Cannot believe I have to get on this bus with clean morning people with this face, these shoes and this big black coat ... people are looking at me funny, 'specially men, and then I reallise it's because I probably look like I'm on rent, just got off a job. I hate myself : avoid mirrors and shiney surfaces at ALL costs! don't look anyone in the eye ..... disappear. UF.
You ever get that guilty post night out guilt, even though you know you didn't do anything stupid?? well that's how I felt. Then images of all stupid drunken days of yester-year kept invading my brain (I hate the old minds eye) hates it!
HOME!!!! yey!! :)
But just as I start to relax, thinking my day must get better now (bearing in mind by this point it is just 11:00am) ... no, is the answer I didn't ask for to that question I didn't ask.
Lisa is excited about jetting off to see Luna in Italy ... WTF dunno why it upsets me - guess it just opens old wounds that didn't get a chance to heal yet. Made it clear I'm a bit pissed off ... maybe shouldn't have, but I guess I don't care.
anywhoooo .... on a happier note it's Stephanies birthday and today Simon told her about his gift of Ballet lessons ... and I'm going too!!!! yey!!! can't wait! ... maybe this is the best time to get healthy? quit the fags and the drink (not coffee ... that's too difficult) maybe it will detox all my crappy feelings out - wish it would detox all the crappy people out too, or at least their crappy moods.
I don't know what I do for the rest of the day ... can just remember not being able to sleep... Lisa is leaving ... it's 5:00am - do you ever get that thing where you are stuck to the spot? that's how I was ...

Monday, 11 May 2009

Snowbird and drunken bird

After eating four custard creams and then getting dressed up all fancy I left the house to go and meet Hannah at Shepherds Bush station. Late - as usual.
There was a huge pile of free papers on the floor outside the corner shop that were blowing away like fold-up-birds... and I don't think that is what they meant when they asked someone to hand them out.
We found the Empire and bought a plastic glass of wine ready for the Snowbird show :)
Hannah was there to take photos and managed to get her camera past the security because there wasn't a media pass and this stupid place only lets you have a camera with one of those as I found out from some short security guard inside the place that had to assert his authority in some way or another... he decided to be mean and made her take it to the box office ... but she wasn't going to do that without and arguement. By the mess that was created anyone wuld have thought that she was about to pull out a crack pipe.
then my camera decided to stop working ... so instead for today I have borrow someone elses piccies ... they had functioning cameras you see.
The snowbird gig was lovely in the end and Stephanie is a beautiful fairy as usual ... yey sparkley sparkley star dust yum yum bunnies (that is my official review) ;)
After they wouldn't let us out for smokes until 9:00 (??) because smokers only like to smoke after 9:00 of course - vampiric smokers! uf ... so me and Stephanie go outside whilst Hannah goes to collect her camera...
I have decided that the Empire and it's staff (and some punters + some annoying passers by) suck.
I don't want to go back to Hackney alone in the dark, so after a quick stop off for a wine top up I go back to Hannahs which is miles and miles away, and because of the amount of food I didn't eat I'm far too drunk for comfort in these ridiculous wedges.
Everyone is at Hannahs including the cheese eating cat ... :)

Sunday, 10 May 2009

Lazy Day

I was supposed to meet Steph but we both got lazy and decided to meet up on Tuesday instead, think it was my fault because I woke up at 10:30 but knew I needed to sleep a whole lot more, I ended getting up at 2:00 I think... but it's better to live in the night time. :)
... I feel lke what my bunny looks like - she likes to relax.
Think I can actually see her growing, she is going to be soooo big soon!
She let me stroke her for ages today and looked happy about it which was nice - that means she might love me now... yey.... I think it's because I'm the one who gives her juicey hay and nibbles.
TV time ... my brain is not working and today can only cope with not really doing much and TV is perfect for that.
Everyone goes out ... they left the living room covered in guitars and other stuff that needs wires ... uf ... today I don't like wirey stuff (apart from the TV)
Must leave the living room.
A perfect time to tidy my little work space .... it got in a mess the other day when Poppy escaped and was found later chewing on one of my fave books. She was so into the book (as was I) that she ignored all the wires to and from my sewing machine and hard drive.
Thank bunny god.
I finish a dress I started last month ... I'm going to sew flowery bits on it and it will be pretty - with I had mice and birds to help me, like in Cinderella ... but I just have this big bunny who is just as lazy as me.
What Poppy thinks:
Hay hay hay hay .... carrot.... hay .... chew chew... hay... chew.... RUN ... Run really fast! ... jump jump jump jump.... hay hay hay hay hay... nibbles.... water... escape? ... no....RUN .... run aaaaaaand JUMP! who's this? a big hand ... mmmmmmmmm .....ok leave me alone - I need HAAAAAAY.... sleep.

Saturday, 9 May 2009

Fairy Photos, Mice and Stars

Bed is good ... but I have to get up now and go dress as a fairy in Highgate park.
I meet Hannah in Camden and we go to this really lovely little vegan place where you buy a dish to fill up with stuff and everything tastes like fields ... in a good way. I'm a little hungover and really want some juice but I stick to the water for now.
Walking past all the pretty shops makes me want some money ... but I should stop to be lazy and just make myself the pretty things that I see and like ... doh. We go into the new old market too and it is huge ... it goes on forever - riht back to the cute girl selling cupcakes at the back in the corner : maybe I imagined her. I think it must have re-opened today because there's a marching band and people on stilts.
Let's et some coffee.......... Cafe Nero, Coffee and chats.
Now onto Highgate Park!
Parks are either the best places to be or the worst - depending on what your fears are .... now if you are afraid of chavvy types and dogs, they are mostly bad ... but thankfully we found a secret corner where the only crazy people were us.
I love the piccies that Hannah takes .... she is a little star, and she gave me some wings she made for my belated birthday - they are lovely and I want to wear them everyday.
Where else to go now apart from up Highgate Hill? it has to be done. This is like a little dream place - I would so like to live there ... we had an adventure in a little tea shop and then went to have raw juice in another vegan place we found that has a garden to sit in - have to go there again ... can't remember what it is called.
Then we get on the bus because I'm going to meet Stephanie, we're going to a gig at Union Chapel, We say bye to Hannah...
I forgot to ask to see who was playing untill the last minute and looked more interested to know what shoes she was wearing hehehe ... but good news - it's Soy Un Caballo, it was lovely, inside it was filled with candles - magical. There were fluff bunnies that were dancing to the pretty music, and cute things. We laugh and hide behind a column. Then we sneak like tiny mice: tiny mice that want a glass of wine, through the back of the chapel .... we were going to sit upstairs for a couple of songs but there are evil cones.
Imagining ghosts, with the string music in the background.
... squeak squeak : to the pub!
Outside there are stars *
I go to meet Lisa and Marina in Hi Sushi, Camden ... I'm tired... but not too tired to get a cheeky pina colada (if that's how you spell it)

Friday, 8 May 2009

Funny Juice

We tried out my juicing machine this morning ... although ll the juice that gets squeezed out looks gross - it is divine... yum. It is supposed to be healthy but i couldn't stop to imagine what a beautiful coctail it would have made with just a little bit of vodka :) .... I was good though ...
Lisa : piano... Me : shower ... us : Lily Allen .. loves her new album *
Then I got all my stuff together in a big mary Poppins bag....
Waiting at bus stop ...
glasses make everything pink ...
bus ...
my favurite seat is taken by some boy ...
stuck in Hackney central for 45 mins ...
hates IT ....
Angel ....
brig brrring ...
Mum on phone *
tube ...
wierd people
Golders green ...
bus ,,,
Then me and Luna had some drinks - and watched TV and aughed at stuff. Tried to order take out online for a million years - almost got radomly ordered a pizza... then tipsy turns funny. Tipsy comes back and we get taken back in time with themusic that was n TV.
Takes some piccies ... drink more wine ....

Thursday, 7 May 2009


I was so tired when I woke up this afternoon because Poppy the bunny had kept me up all night, she was jumping on top of her cage, which is really high and jumping down again into her new extended bedtime area... but as she jumped the whole fence would rattle like something from a nightmare - I kept getting up to see what was going on ... as soon as I'd try to stroke her she'd run away ... she doesn't like me ... uf ... Stephanie said it's because she's a teenager (in bunny years) so I need to get her fixed and then she will be less of a crazy bunny.
I spent the rest of my day uploading my CDs onto this laptop because mine has decided to break and for some reason... when I was charging my ipod on it created its own playlist with songs on it that I havn't listened, or wanted to listen to in months! it obviously has a ghost... a ghost with a bad taste in music.
I am so utterly tired right now but can't sleep... it's 3:34 in the morning - there's nothing but bad TV on, I've had too much coffee.
Checked for pretty stuff on etsy, which made me want to make stuff too (but it's far too late for noise) and made me wish I had some more funds to buy random pretty art prints to cover my walls with ... I found this lovely one at
I should go to try to sleep now if Poppy and my over-active imagination will let me........

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Back to Brighton

I met Stephanie at Victoria and we were more or less on time today :) Quick tickets!
Run for the train ... chugga chugga choo choo!
It was so warm on the train, we listened to some tunes and laughed about stuff ... there were no sheep in the fields... they were on Holls.
Off the train and it's so breezy...
We walk all the way down to the sea where the sea gulls live and sit on the rocks, should have brought a duvet!
Where is the aquarium?
So we get there and there are evil school children ... but then we watch the shark talk which was fun - I fell in love with the huge turtle with the funny face ... we got to see the underneath of all the sea creatures in the tunnel ... the underneath of sea creatures are wierd.
Stephanie has the best luck ... she got two crystal-stones each time and I only got one ... I put it in my pocket - is it still there *checks* so we went to buy some vibrating sea horses .... vibrating sea horses are the best, espesh' when they are pink and fuzzy.
Lunch at Bella Pasta, where the carbonara lives ... yum.
And then the cold walk back to the train station ... brrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I get home and it's dark.
Poppy makes noise all night ... all night.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Dress ideas

I found this really cute artist girl on etsy I think the pretty fairy people she creates are lovely ... I really want to make some of the dresses she has drawn, I wrote to her for a collaboration : I'll go check my email to see if she has replied yet...
This one in the piccie is especially lovely *
I really want to start making more big dresses and special ones, the past few months I have been trying to make more dresses that I thought would appeal to everyone, but I think I need to stick to what I love doing, and make special things that you can't get anywhere else : fairy clothes (and now princess dresses)
I should go and start drawing some now.....
Piccie found at :)

Monday, 4 May 2009

photos and wine

I was so bored... had the bigest known case of writers block in the history of human kind ... so I decided to trowel the make up on and take piccies of myself ... a time to reflect... see all the best bits and all the stuff you wish would go away...
I remember having photos taken of me when I was little a tutu: it was pink ... I was so happy because it looked so real, like the ones you see on stage... I borrowed it because mine were leotard-like. wish I still had that photo, but I have no idea where it has gone.
So.... I'm thinking about lots of things... secrets :)
They are writing a song, she says she is spontanious, she also talks about me drinking wine and getting sad ... she thinks that I'm going to do that tonight but I'm not, I'm too happy - thinking... *
Cracked open the bottle to enjoy britains next top model - loves it.
ok ... this bottle of rose is ,my new best friend....
Isn't it strange when you think you know where you are, who you are.... what you want to do, and then you blink and everything you knew has gone.
There are so many stars ... so many nights of bottles of wine, so many things that have come and gone. So many photos that show our happiest times, and not enough to show the sad ... yes, I'm drunk, but I'm a happy kind of drunk... that's the best kind - I promise not to edit this tomorrow when I'm cringing about what I wrote - because .... I don't know, just because.
I see so many beautiful things in the future .... I just with the future was now............ *
I want to be a fairy...

Sunday, 3 May 2009


Home again this morning at 11:00am ... I have to write so many things, but there's still the suspension so I'm un-motivated and slightly lost. I am planning to finish the book though whatever happens, at least then if I have to leave uni because of the stupid LEA I can extend my word limit.
But first a trip to the corner shop with Lisa ... Pot noodles are in order: We had a time when all we ate were pot noodles, perfect hangover food, but I'm not hungover this time.
Photos, just had too...
Buny is still crazy. I bought an extra fence, because at the moment she owns me. I thought it would arrive tomorrow but it's bank hol uf,
Maybe I should get her a bunny friend.
I remember when I was little and me, Mum and Dad would go out in the car around Hull just to see the wild rabbits hopping in the fields, before Asda. We used to call them runny babbits.
I applied for work experience at Penguin Publishers ... why not.
Beetlejuice is on TV loved that film so much when I was little, the dancing bit...
And now? we wait for our pizza and Marina plays the piano.
In my little runny babbit field I'm dancing.
In this house, I'm writing ... and waiting...
Who knows.

Saturday, 2 May 2009


The house sucked out all of my energy today, I just couldn't leave ... it was like that horror film with the clock on the mantle. First of all I couldn't wake up... then I couldn't stand up... then I couldn't get out of the door...
I won though - I was on a bus by 6:00.
Off the bus and onto Old Street Station ... there's a guy peeing in the corner: gross.
I finally get to Golders Green, which is so much nicer than where I live ... quiet.
Me and Luna go to buy some beer (today is definately a beer day hehe) The guy in the shop asked me for ID and then didn't believe it was me in the photo, but he was so worried about that that he forgot to charge me for the peanuts : score.

Friday, 1 May 2009

Bunny likes to bite stuff

My bunny Poppy eats ... EVERYTHING. I hope she is not sad :( but my shoes are...
This morning I woke up after an awful dream, I wont explain it otherwise it will all come back to me ... eek!
I like the first second of the morning when everything is lovely ... before you remember anything, I think that second is the best second of any day the most quiet and happily empty second.
The rest of the day got slowly more stressful.
I need an extra job, I need to sort out my stupid uni fees... then my bunny ate my furniture, shoes and (almost) foot, then a lovely walk to the corner shop ... which was filled with chavy teenagers who were 'playing' (fighting/stealing/shouting about the police van that stopped, but couldn't take them away anywhere as they were 13-15 : pure evil : why do they exist? they ruined the rest of my night)
I want to move from Hackney ASAP!
(preferably somewhere with a garden so that my bunny can eat what she is supposed to : Grass)
... and now? mmmmmm ... I will eat some egg, watch some Family Guy then write some more of my book ... that's nice to escape to :)
Then meditate:
*fairies, fairies and butterfly wings* ommm ommm ommm